I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
