does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
