R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
