Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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