fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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