i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
