Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
