I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
