Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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