is your mom at the bar?
Screwed.edu
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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