Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
