I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
