Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
