he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
