singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
