i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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