Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
