Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
