I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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