We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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