she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
