what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
