i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
