i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
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It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
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I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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