my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
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Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
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I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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