The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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