I think my fart just growled at me.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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