I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
