That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
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I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
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Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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