I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
