My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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