Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
