so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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