just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
