Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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