we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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