What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Randomize
