dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You've changed since you got that strap on
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