An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
