I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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