Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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