so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
