He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Randomize
