so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
