hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
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It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
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I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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