i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
