I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
