I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The Olympian is in my bed
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