let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Acid is not a monday night drug
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
