"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
