'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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