Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
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After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
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Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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