my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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