We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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