her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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