tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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