What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
