Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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