Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
