I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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