Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
