She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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