I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
