Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
