i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
