There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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