Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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