I wish I could teleport
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
MIDGETS
????
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
