i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I will be naked everywhere
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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