How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
