i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
