So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
