I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
