I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
I don't deserve a penis
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
so much tequila, so little girl.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.