I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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