The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked