This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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