i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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