I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom