I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
