I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
