Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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