I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Houston, we have a squirter
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
