god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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