We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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