my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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