At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
