the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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