Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
